THE dating game has upped its ante in recent years with the development of Tinder and and scores of other mate-finding apps.
Still, there’s a lot of singletons out there.
And you’re always asking yourself why you’re one of them, you might want to take advice from psychologist Melanie Schiling.
She reveals that self-sabotage is in fact the real reason why there are so many of us who are luckless in love.
“Most people play a significant role in keeping themselves single,” the relationship expert told HuffPost Australia.
“It’s common to blame external factors – for example, ‘it’s too cold, I’ll start dating after winter’ or ‘there’s a man drought’ – but at the core of most self-sabotage is fear.”
It comes as no surprise then that this fear is often linked with self-protection.
We’ve all had our hearts broken at some point; nobody wants to have it happen to them again.
But Melanie is quick to point out that self-protection can really hinder your chances of finding your one true love.
“There is a difference between being healthily sceptical and undermining your own happiness,” she revealed.
Negative dating beliefs
Melanie highlighted that negative dating beliefs fall into three categories. These can all impact how you approach dating and can lead to self-sabotage.
Beliefs about yourself
These include ideas like: “I don’t deserve happiness”, “I’m useless at relationships, I’ll only mess it up” and “I’m better off being single”.
Beliefs about men and women
If you’re shying away from a relationship because you’re worried about cheating or getting hurt, then you are definitely sabotaging your chances of finding true happiness.
Beliefs about relationships
Don’t think that something better will come along or that a relationship will stunt your independence.
These are negative thoughts that will seriously affect your chances of finding someone.
Melanie, who is a dating consultant and has appeared on the popular TV show Married at First Sight, believes there are multiple ways to tell if you’re ready to date.
She’s even developed a Date Ready Ladder to determine whether you’re ready.
Date ready fail
Self-sabotaging, resistant and ambivalent sit at the bottom of the ladder.
If you fall into these categories then you’re not ready to date, according to Melanie.
Self sabotage
This is when you’re undermining and blocking opportunities to meet someone.
You are basically telling the world that you’re not interested. Hence, you’re not ready to date.
Resistant
If you fall into this category, you may be ready to date but you’re also not making yourself open.
You are resisting opportunities that come your way.
Ambivalent
Ambivalence basically means that you’re half in and half not.
You may be going on dates, but you’re sending mixed messages to these potential dates.
Date ready win
The three rungs on Melanie’s ladder consistent of committed, proactive and inspired.
If you fall into these categories then you’re definitely ready to start dating and may not be far off finding your one true love.
“The Date Ready program is about strategy,” Melanie writes on her website.
“It’s about taking the smarts you’ve used for success in other areas of your life, and applying it to your dating life.
“You already have within you the skills you need to meet the right partner and create a great relationship; you just need to use them in a strategic way,” she explained.
Your career, Melanie highlights, is a good example.
She explained that you don’t wait idly for a job to fall into your lap, you go out there and proactively try and get one.
Why then, don’t we adopt the same approach to dating?
MOST READ IN FABULOUS
In other news, this entrepreneur mum has launched a dating agency that aims to bring back old fashioned romance. She started it after modern apps failed her.
Also, if you read this and do what it says then you’re most likely to bag a date on Badoo. Hint: a sexy career can land you a swipe.
Finally, want to land Mr Right? Have you ever thought about dating other people? Apparently it is key to making your other half propose.
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