I’m in desperate need of love after ten years of having absolutely no sexual contact with my girlfriend

DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend hasn’t let me touch her for almost ten years. I gave up everything to be with her but our relationship is sexless.

We met while doing a summer holiday job. She is my first female partner. I am 32 now and she is 29.

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I moved to the other end of the country to be with her.

Now I am lonely and in desperate need of love. I’ve wasted years hoping things would get better but I now see they won’t.

She says she is asexual. We have argued as I feel she kept me in the dark on purpose.

I miss the intimacy we had years ago.

DEIDRE SAYS: If you shared a good sex life years ago, that suggests she isn’t genuinely asexual but for some reason isn’t enjoying sex with you now.

Sexual responses can shut down after being damped down for a long time. It might be about technique, past experiences of hers or resentment in your relationship. But arguing will get you nowhere.

Tell her this is a make-or-break issue for you. If she wants to try to save your relationship, insist you see a sex therapist together.

My e-leaflet How Sex Therapy Works explains.

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